Site Navigation

Forum Categories
- Announcements
- General Discussion
- New Members
- Forum comments
- Fishing Reports
- Fishing Videos
- Fishing Discussion
- Fish Stories
- Trading Post
- Salt Water
- Fresh Water
- Recipes
- Charters and Guides
- Boats and Motors
- Electronics
- Rich Lindgren
- Kayak Fishing
- Hunting and Camping
- Maglite Flashlights
- Hardware/Software Help
- Camping Gear
- Hunting Gear
- Maglite Sales
- Link Directory
- AIG Top Sites
- Fishing Charters
- Free Tackle
- Charter Listings
- Saltwater Tides





All in General Outdoors Top Sites

Freshwater Fish ID
Saltwater Fish ID


The Five Toughest Questions For Men

Dick Cheney has a hunting story. Tell us yours!

The Five Toughest Questions For Men

Postby Uncle Chuck » Fri Jan 18, 2008 1:30 pm

The Five Toughest Questions For Men
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
Here is the problem: If the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth), every single one is absolutely guaranteed to explode into a major argument.
As a public service, I analyze each question and provide the possible answers.
#1: What are you thinking about?
The best answer to this is:
"I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which is, most likely, one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best classic response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg: "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")
#2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!"
If you feel a more detailed answer is in order:
"Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Yah, sure, you betcha.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said "yes"?
c. That depends on exactly what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?
#3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic:
"Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
#4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic:
"Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you, when you were her age.
d. It depends on how you define pretty.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
#5: What would you do if I died?
This is the all-time, no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
There is no good answer.
No matter how you answer, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not? Don't you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
Man: Okay, I'd get married again.
Woman: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
Man: Yes, I would.
Woman: (After a long pause) Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
Uncle Chuck
Posts: 86
Joined: Fri Jan 18, 2008 12:20 pm

Re: The Five Toughest Questions For Men

Postby allingeneral » Fri Jan 18, 2008 2:02 pm

Good stuff Uncle Chuck. :welcome: Welcome to the forum! :welcome:
The only way you'll ever catch fish is to Go Fishing Forum (.net)!! :)
AIG Outdoors and Tactical Supply
Discount Fish Tackle
User avatar
Site Admin
Posts: 1239
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2006 8:39 pm
Location: Virginia

Return to Hunting stories and Humor

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest